The Right versus The Left

The Celebrity Autopsy

Nutrisystem Extreme HOME Levi Johnston's Playgirl Photographs

There is a war being raged in this country.

Almost everyone is this country is a participant in this war

This war is tedious, boring and completely meaningless

This war is...

Versus

If either of the above pictures evoked a negative emotional response

you are a participant in this war.

Let me make this clear enough for the most ignorant of you to understand

If you describe yourself as right-wing, conservative or Republican...

You are a brainless douche bag

and

If you describe yourself as left-wing, liberal or Democrat...

You are a brainless douche bag

If you have any doubt about this, just look at the issues.

Issue #1

The Economy

Most conservatives believe that the government has no role in business or economic matters.

In other words, the free market should be the sole decision maker when it comes to which businesses succeed and which ones fail.

However, the free market brought us these glistening turds

Enron Declared bankruptcy in 2001 after systematic accounting fraud was exposed, resulting in the loss of $101 billion and 22,000 jobs	Arthur Anderson Company closed for business after being found guilty of accounting fraud, resulting in the loss of 85,000 jobs	Lehman Brothers Became the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history after engaging in unsound loaning practices and naked short selling, which the SEC has deemed illegal.
Washington Mutual After engaging in irresponsible loaning practices, this bank declared bankruptcy in 2008 resulting in the loss of nearly 30,000 jobs	Worldcom Declared bankruptcy after a $11 billion accounting scandal comes to light	Tyco Former CEO embezzled tens of millions of dollars from the company

This list could be a hundred times longer, but you get the point

Thus, if you agree with the conservative view on economic policy...

You are wrong!

Liberals believe that the government should play a role in determining which companies succeed and which ones fail

In other words, the economy can not run effectively without government intervention

Of course, we all know how effective the government is when it comes to running a business

For example...

Amtrak Despite receiving $2.6 billion in federal money every year, this company had a net loss in 2008 of $1.13 billion	Federal National Mortgage Association Despite receiving $400 billion from the federal government annually, Fannie Mae lost $2 billion in 2007, which was before the 2008 recession	Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation This federal agency had a combined loss of $32.1 billion in the 2009 fiscal year
Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation Losses of $50.1 billion in 2008, which will require $400 billion in federal funds to rectify	U. S. Postal Service Despite raising the price of stamps and reducing services, the USPS lost $4.7 billion in 2008	Corporation for Public Broadcasting PBS reported a $12 million profit in 2008, partly because only 17% of revenue comes from the federal government

This list could be a hundred times longer, but you get the point

Thus, if you agree with the liberal view on economic policy...

You are wrong!

Issue #2

Abortion

Those who oppose abortion call themselves pro-life

The term "pro-life" is a completely meaningless term

Just check out the conservative check list

If you are pro-life, then you are probably pro-gun, pro-war and pro-execution

So what does that mean?

This is Timmy

Conservatives would not abort Timmy

Why?

So they will have more people to die in wars

And they need more people to commit crimes with firearms...

So they will have more people to execute

So much for the sanctity of life!

Thus, if you identify yourself as pro-life...

You are wrong!

Those who support abortion call themselves pro-choice

The term "pro-choice" is a completely meaningless term

People who are pro-choice claim to support the right to make a choice when it comes to abortion

Since being pro-life is a choice, the pro-choice crowd should include the pro-life crowd

The Pro-choice Challenge

Can you find the pro-life person at this pro-choice rally?

Answer: He's three blocks away shooting an abortion doctor

Thus, the term "pro-choice" is complete bullshit

Another bullshit term is the name of their pro-abortion organization

If you planned your parenthood

you wouldn't need a fucking abortion

Ultimately, the "pro-choice" crowd wants unfettered abortion on demand

This means abortion clinics on every corner

Abortions available in grocery stores

They also want abortion clinics with drive-thru windows

And most important, they not only want abortions available through the third trimester, they want abortions through the third grade

Thus, if you identify yourself as pro-choice...

You are wrong!

Issue #3

Gay Marriage

Conservatives believe that marriage should only be between a man and a woman

They claim that a marriage between two gay people would ruin the sanctity of marriage

Anyway, no straight person would actually make a complete mockery of marriage, right?

So much for the sanctity of marriage

Thus, if you oppose gay marriage...

You are wrong!

Liberals believe that gay people should have the right to get married

I wonder how many gay people really want to get married

Anyway, I have a hard time taking the gay community seriously

Let me explain...

This is the 2009 Gay Pride Parade in Miami

This is the day of pride for gay people

This is the day that the gay community demonstrate what they are most proud of

And this is the best they can come up with

If you want people to take you seriously, you should at least hide your ass crack

Maybe lay off the clown make-up

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I'm sure they are on the way to the alter

Thus, if you support gay marriage...

You are wrong!

If you are still not convinced, look at these brainless reactions to the 2010 earthquake in Haiti

Pat Robertson

Robertson is a conservative evangelical preacher and a hateful, baby devouring disciple of Satan

Robertson said this about the plight of Haiti

So God has cursed Haiti

What is this, the eighth fucking century?

Following this line of reasoning, God must hate America because He has cursed us with Pat Robertson

I would like to bend over and fire projectile diarrhea in Pat Robertson's face

Danny Glover

Glover is a liberal Hollywood actor and a washed-up, America-hating vat of frog shit

Glover said this about the plight of Haiti

So the earthquake in Haiti was caused by global warming

In other words, the increase in carbon emissions is what caused the tectonic plates under the island of Haiti to shift

There is only one tiny problem with this theory...

It's fucking retarded

Liberals think global warming is the cause of every problem known to man

Mainly because the tyrannical leader of the left, Jabba the Gore, has declared it so

Fuck Danny Glover in the ass with a tire iron

By the way, if you happen to classify yourself as an independent, you are still a douche bag.

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Please leave your complaints here

Name: hannah poop
E-mail:
Date posted: April 05, 2011 - 10:56 pm
Message: hey :)

Name: Dr. Brown Loaf
E-mail:
Date posted: August 11, 2010 - 06:22 am
Message: From gay parade to just plain weirdo parade

Name: Geoff
E-mail:
Date posted: June 19, 2010 - 04:05 pm
Message: Timmy is fucked no matter how you look at it. Oh, and I'm gay (a cocksucker) and I HATE those fucking parades!

Name: Sarahish
E-mail:
Date posted: February 12, 2010 - 08:12 pm
Message: I don't know why I bothered reading that crap

Name: thundakrap69
E-mail:
Date posted: January 29, 2010 - 10:00 am
Message: It look likes Romney is plowing McCain in the ass (top picture). No surprise, Conservatives are a bunch of fags, anyway.

PS did Bill O'Reilly somehow grow an elephant trunk for a dick!?

Name: PalinFucker74
E-mail:
Date posted: January 29, 2010 - 09:48 am
Message: When the elderly white trash in the South finally dies off (and the Republicans can be a modern party again), we might actually see change for the better.

Name: Same
E-mail:
Date posted: January 23, 2010 - 03:49 pm
Message: I would comment aswell, but now I'm molesting Al Fraken for molesting my child for molesting my dog for molesting me.

Name: Al Fraken
E-mail:
Date posted: January 18, 2010 - 11:48 pm
Message: I would comment but I'm busy molesting a child