The Celebrity Autopsy

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Now for a partial list of

 

Things That Piss Me Off

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thing that pisses me off #1

Stupid Fucking Catch Phrases

This is Larry Platt

 

He has swept the nation with his wildly popular catch phrase "Pants on the Ground"

 

 

 

Now you can own his first and only full length CD

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the people who brought you the nauseating catch phrases...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where's the Beef?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show Me tha' Money

 

 

 

and

 

 

 

 

Do you have a dozen donuts I can borrow?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That's right!

It's Larry Platt

 

Now you can own this tedious piece of history

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relax and enjoy the sheer redundancy of this amazing artist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cherish the incomparable sounds of Larry Platt as he repeats the same six lines for an hour and a half.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Listen in bewilderment as this fossil mumbles the same shit over and over again

 

 

 

 

OK Larry, your 15 minutes is over.  Please check in to the closest cemetery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thing that pisses me off #2

Talking Cereal

 

 

 

 

As I ate breakfast yesterday, I was faced with this

OK, which one of you pissed in my milk?

 

 

 

 

 

Keep smiling, mother fucker.

 

Soon your fiber goodness will be scrubbing the dishwater from my colon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thing that pisses me off #3

The Multiple Birth Shit-Wagon

 

 

 

As accurately predicted here at the Celebrity Autopsy (click here), numerous women are now using the

 

Nadya Suleman Career Plan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kate Gosselin did it!  She decimated her muff and now she has her own show.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can look at her and tell that her vag is a train wreck

 

 

 

 

The Celebrity Autopsy has acquired an actual photograph of Kate Gosslin's vagina

 

 

 

 

 

OK, so it's not an actual photograph.  However, it is an accurate representation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaking of catastrophic cooters...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fergie

One look at her and you can tell her monkey has had more than it's fair share of bananas

 

 

 

 

The Celebrity Autopsy has acquired an actual photograph of Fergie's vagina

 

 

 

 

 

Well, it's actually an artist's rendition from eye witness accounts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angelina Jolie

Obviously, she has got meat flaps galore.

 

 

 

The Celebrity Autopsy has acquired an actual photograph of Angelina Jolie's vagina

 

 

 

 

Ok, I'm full of shit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lady Gaga

With a face like that, you know she has a cauliflower cunt.

 

 

 

The Celebrity Autopsy has acquired a blah blah blah...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thing that pisses me off #4

Hard-on Smiles

 

This is Bob

 

 

 

 

 

Where have I seen Bob before?

 

 

 

 

 

Now I remember.  I saw him on the wall at the doctor's office.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what is this fuck face smiling about?

 

 

 

Bob is smiling because his dick is hard

 

 

 

Really?

 

 

Is that all?

 

 

 

I didn't smile that much when I got a double-fisted bi-directional shaft stroke with a coke bottle stuck in my ass.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thing that pisses me off #5

Comedians Who Are Not Funny

 

 

 

 

This is Kathy Griffin

This wretched filth whore describes herself as a "comedian."

 

 

 

 

The term "comedian" is used rather loosely

 

 

 

 

A comedian must, at some point in time, say or do something that is funny

 

 

 

 

 

Can you name ONE thing that Ms. Griffin has said or done that is funny?

 

 

 

Of course you can't.

 

 

 

Why?

 

 

 

 

Because Kathy Griffin is as funny as children drowning in cancer.

 

 

 

 

 

Hollywood is littered with comedians who are not funny

 

 

 

 

Let's look at a few

 

 

 

Comedian that fucking sucks #1

Martin Lawrence

Lawrence reminds us that black people can be stiff and awkward too.

 

 

 

Can you think of anyone who is less funny than this asshole?

 

 

If you disagree, read these actual reviews of his movies

 

  

 

Combines a sour story with a repellent lead character, deadly comic schtick and tin-eared direction to produce 90 minutes of sheer, plodding mirthlessness.

Mike LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

 

 

 

Watching the exchanges between Will Smith and Martin Lawrence is like having teeth slowly removed from your skull.  I wish I was dead.

Marvin Saulinsky, The Washington Compost

 

 

Martin Lawrence is like a fungus that grows in my urethra.  Sure, my genitals are swollen and red, but at least I'm pissing blood.

Frederick Nickenbacher, The National Brown Star

 

 

 

The comedy team of Tim Robbins and Martin Lawrence is remarkably similar to a steaming cauldron of liquid shit which spews forth the most nauseating and wretched stench known to mankind.

Craven Dickremoval, The Washington Asswipe

 

 

 

 

Martin Lawrence has given me a new reason to dislike blacks.

Glen O'Reilly, The Christian Science Commode

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comedian that fucking sucks #2

Will Ferrell

 

 

 

 

Think you know a lot about Will Ferrell?

 

 

 

 

 

Then it's time for you to take the....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ready?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer:  If you answered A, B, C, D, E, F or any combination thereof, you are correct.

 

 

 

The first time I saw the pubic hair growing on Will Ferrell's chest, it wasn't funny.

 

 

The fifty-seventh time I saw his flap-jack tits, it still wasn't funny

 

 

 

Naked, loud-mouth retards are so clever.

 

 

 

 

Comedian that fucking sucks #3

Vince Vaughn

 

Vaughn is about as uncharismatic and unnoticeable as a human can be.

 

 

He is as funny as a toddler's funeral

 

 

 

This  is Vince Vaughn playing  Norman Bates in the remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, which is actually the only time I ever laughed at him.

 

 

 

 

Where is a celebrity drug overdose when you need one?

 

 

 

 

 

Comedian that fucking sucks #4

Luke Wilson

 

How far down the shit hole does your career have to sink before you start making commercials for a satanic cult like AT&T?

 

 

 

Luke Wilson is as funny as a puppy fire.

 

 

 

 

Where's some piano wire, a shovel, and a vat of lime when you need it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comedian that fucking sucks #5

Ben Stiller

 

The "I'm a stuttering, pathetic Jew" routine is as stale as a Jesus fart.

 

 

 

 

 

Where's an oven when you need one?

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for the rest of you,

 

Don't piss me off!

 

HOME

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Please leave your complaints here

Name:     

Message:     

Name: Niggas and bitches
E-mail:
Date posted: June 20, 2011 - 08:50 pm
Message: This Website is soo fucking funny. I wanna fuck fergie so hard!!! I got a boner and im horny any girls out there wanna fuck??? i live at nun of your fucking business!!

Name: Big Boi
E-mail:
Date posted: March 22, 2011 - 06:55 am
Message: i was sitting in class and i came acroos this site and its sooo fucking funny. WEAK!!!

Name: Frrrpt
E-mail:
Date posted: January 26, 2011 - 11:23 pm
Message: I'd love to know what you DO like. Make a post about that. I'm actually very curious.

Name: LOLing Right Now
E-mail:
Date posted: November 20, 2010 - 04:09 pm
Message: Angelina Jolie's vagina. I just peed.

Name: Dr. Brown Loaf
E-mail:
Date posted: August 11, 2010 - 06:12 am
Message: OK OK, Will Ferrell....hum...I agree that seeing his hairy soggy tits for the 10000th time is getting real pathetic.
Any man can act like that with a well done lobotomy.

Name: Cally
E-mail:
Date posted: August 09, 2010 - 07:31 pm
Message: Ah... all that was funny up until the oven comment. Really? Loved your Toilet Paper bit (different page) though.

Name: marco
E-mail:
Date posted: July 08, 2010 - 02:14 pm
Message: angelinas vagina.... men your funny.

Name: stephen
E-mail:
Date posted: May 31, 2010 - 03:56 pm
Message: "Will Ferrell rocks. I hope you die mother fucker"

now that's hilarious

Name: Dan
E-mail:
Date posted: April 10, 2010 - 08:32 pm
Message: You must admit it has been awhile since "Where's the beef?". Now "Pants on the ground!"... that's funny.

Name: collin
E-mail:
Date posted: April 06, 2010 - 06:06 pm
Message: @tim

will ferrell has public said he thinks his movies suck and that he isnt funny...dont believe me? go look on his website

Name: Tim
E-mail:
Date posted: April 05, 2010 - 09:34 pm
Message: Will Ferrell rocks. I hope you die mother fucker

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