The Celebrity Autopsy

Things That Piss Me Off                     HOME                    The Right versus The Left

We are all told by the media that our self worth is contingent on our weight.

For example, magazines promote the notion that thin equals beauty

Obviously, these magazines are...

Absolutely Correct!

If you are overweight, then you are worthless.

But don't worry!   We have the answer to your problem.

Nutrisystem can help you lose weight

However, if you tried Nutrisystem and you are still having trouble losing weight

Then you need...

The most effective weight loss program EVER!

Nutrisystem Extreme provides you with meals that are guaranteed to help you eat less and lose weight

Here are some of the delicious menu items you can choose from

Shipping Peanut Lasagna

This delicious dish has the same calorie count as a Styrofoam cooler.  Actually, it tastes like one also.

Italian Scab Tortellini

Tender tortellinis served with fresh scabs, hand-picked from the legs, arms, and genitals of choice, grade-A wops.  

Oprah Winfrey's Salisbury Surprise

A juicy Salisbury steak, smothered with beef gravy and sprinkled with little wads of toilet paper plucked from Oprah Winfrey's ass hair.  An excellent appetite suppressant!

Macaroni and Panty Cheese

Nothing limits caloric intake more than this lovely dish.

Medical Waste Casserole

Not only will this entrée help with lower portion sizes, but the exhaustive diarrhea will help you lose weight fast.

In addition to wonderful meals, Nutrisystem Extreme provides you with all of the tools you need to lose weight fast

The Nutrisystem Extreme Shopping Cart

The less food that fits in your cart, the less dimples that will fit on your ass.

The Nutrisystem Extreme talking bathroom scale

The Nutrisystem Extreme Body Orifice Caulking Gun

Lose weight fast by sealing up all of your holes

Just look at some of these Nutrisystem Extreme success stories

This chart is absolute proof that Nutrisystem Extreme works*

*results may vary

Look at these incredible results.  Call Nutrisystem Extreme today!*

*Results may be non-existent

These photos are not doctored.  They are proof that this shit works.*

*Results may be complete opposite

If you want these same results, call Nutrisystem Extreme now*

*results may suck really bad

Call Nutrisystem now, you pathetic fat-ass*

*Results never really existed

And if you call within the next ten minutes, we will send you a set of celebrity excrement trading cards for free

OK, barrel-ass, get off of the couch and call NOW!

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