The Celebrity Autopsy

A Christmas Gift                                 HOME                           What Am I Thinking?

It may seem obvious but...

Charlie Sheen Must Die!

For those of you that have a life...

Charlie Sheen is a well known actor, television star, and crusty shit smear

Sheen starred in the television show...

In case you were wondering,

Charlie Sheen is the half man

Sheen is living proof the fame and fortune has nothing to do to with talent, intelligence or virtuous behavior.

It has everything to do with sliding out of the right vagina.

I planned to write about every stupid thing that Charlie Sheen had ever said or done

I soon discovered that the list of every stupid thing that Charlie Sheen had ever said or done would fill every hard drive of every web server on the planet.

So I'll focus on the recent past.

After a long weekend of cocaine, alcohol, porn stars, and syphilis, CBS fired Mr. Sheen.

In response, Mr. Sheen said this...

Seems like Mr. Sheen is a real winner.

Maybe he can share his secrets with the rest of us.

Perhaps by selling a self-help program.

This 78 volume program can help you be a winner, just like Charlie Sheen.

Here's something else Charlie Sheen has said recently

There's a drug called Charlie Sheen?

I thought I had done them all.

And now a word from our sponsor.

Charlie Sheen also said this...

He's definitely overdosed on Charlie Sheen

So far, we have discussed why Charlie Sheen must die

Now let's discuss how he must die

Gun

Effective, but not very creative

Boulder

A little better

Wrecking Ball

Now we're talking

Umbrella

Ants

Toaster

45 seconds later

Milk Shake

That was too easy

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