The Celebrity Autopsy

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As I was sitting in rush hour traffic, I observed an interesting phenomenon on the car in front of me

That phenomenon is the

Bumper sticker

When you think about it, the bumper sticker is a lonely cry for help

When someone places a bumper sticker on the back of their car, they are doing this in an attempt to share a shred of information about themselves with someone that they don't know and will never meet

Scary!

Bumper stickers fall into one of several categories

Bumper Sticker Category #1

Political Bumper Stickers

Having any political bumper sticker on your car is a losing proposition.

For example...

If you ever had this bumper sticker on your car,

here is what you got for your vote

- 10% unemployment -

- Record deficit spending -

- Congressional infighting -

- Weak housing market -

- Bailing out dishonest and incompetent corporations -

- Two wars with no end in sight -

- Gulf of Mexico ruined by oil spill -

- Islamic degenerates who want to kill us -

- About half of the country approve of the President -

- About half of the country disapprove of the President -

If you ever had this bumper sticker on your car,

here is what you would have gotten for your vote

- 10% unemployment -

- Record deficit spending -

- Congressional infighting -

- Weak housing market -

- Bailing out dishonest and incompetent corporations -

- Two wars with no end in sight -

- Gulf of Mexico ruined by oil spill -

- Islamic degenerates who want to kill us -

- About half of the country approve of the President -

- About half of the country disapprove of the President -

In other words, there's not a gnat's cock worth of difference between the two

Thus, if you have a political bumper sticker on your car,

Go Fuck Yourself

Bumper Sticker Category #2

Music Bumper Stickers

Some people feel the need to express their taste in music to complete strangers.

However, sometimes it can backfire on you.

For example...

Think of the thousands of guys who had this bumper sticker on their car...

Who knew Ricky Martin was gay?

Right?

Bumper Sticker Category #3

Humorous Bumper Stickers

Funny bumper stickers are pretty pathetic

The problem with any joke is that once you have heard the joke, it's not funny anymore

Having a humorous bumper sticker is like attaching a stale fart to your bumper

Here are some real knee-slappers

Sure buddy!  And my other dick is 18 inches!

I'm not laughing.  I'm relishing the fact that I'm not you.

That would explain why we are driving on Glistening Cunt Avenue

Bumper Sticker Category #4

Ego Bumper Stickers

These are the most deplorable of all bumper stickers

Some people desperately need to boost their egos with these bumper stickers

What better way to deceive people into thinking you are a decent and thoughtful human being than by defacing your vehicle with shallow and meaningless statements of love and kindness 

such as...

I'm definitely going to do this.  Just as soon as I set this kitten on fire.

I brake to scrape them off of my tire

Sure.  I'll do this tomorrow.

I love him so much, I raped his little asshole

Of course, there are some bumper stickers that I would like to see more of

like...

And then there is the absolute worse bumper sticker ever!

Horrendous!

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